friends

I joined Facebook about six months ago, mainly to keep track of the people I worked with on a film last fall. Facebook seemed like an easy way to do that.

The first thing I noticed was how hungry I became to acquire more “friends.” Funk & Wagnalls defines “friend” as: “one who is personally well known by oneself and for whom one has warm regard or affection.” Is it possible to have over a hundred of them? Not for me.

Two things happened in the past week. I sent a “friend request” to a young local woman, who I’ve known since she was a child. She sent me a message, “who are you?” Indeed.

I was contacted by a man I went to high school with, asking, “Was your maiden name Fox?” No, but I responded with my maiden name. I accepted his friend request, and all hell has broken loose for me. He’s sending suggestions for friends to me and sending the link to my profile to others. He seems to have taken it upon himself to be the moderator of all things high school for a growing number of sixty-somethings, posting photos from our yearbooks and old newspapers, suggesting changes to our profiles, including our photos and names (please include your maiden name, so it’s easier for your classmates to find you). The historical bits are interesting, but to get back to my main premise, can all of these people be considered “friends?”

Not for me. The young woman’s question resonates. She’s caught in a bind, isn’t she? If she accepts my “friend request,” she may feel obligated to edit anything she posts. If she doesn’t accept, any time she sees me could be uncomfortable. I do have affection for her; I’ve watched her grow up. But I can understand that the feeling may not be reciprocated.

The conductor is not my friend. I remember his name but only recognized him after checking out my senior yearbook. I changed my profile photo to my senior picture but will now change it back. I did not follow his request to add my maiden name to my profile. I haven’t used that name since 1967 and don’t think it defines who I am in 2009.